There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
