Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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