P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
smell my finger.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
