What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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