The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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