There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize