isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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