We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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