Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
where does the pee come out of this thing
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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