too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
