My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
