fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
thus making me awesome and them whores
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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