question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Bring me that man meat
I lost the right to judge tonight
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
