I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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