It's Friday. Sex?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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