Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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