Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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