I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
