I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
