So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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