I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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