i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
