Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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