JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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