My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
