he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Randomize
