I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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