I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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