I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
