How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The feeling are messing with the penis
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
