good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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