i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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