the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
