Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize