i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I believe in your delicious
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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