The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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