Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm passing your future prison.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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