he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
