the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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