Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
