So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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