I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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