The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
