3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
