I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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