TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
