She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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