she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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