So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
