I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just want nice things and good sex
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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