I showed him my bush... on skype.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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