How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
this hospital has no fireball
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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