last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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