just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
