I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
