youre lurking in front of me
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize