It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
