dude i'm inner monologue high
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
