SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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