I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
