Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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