Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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