All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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