its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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