dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
