Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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