Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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