Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
