I CAN MOONWALK!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
