Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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