i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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